Being married to my wonderful husband for more than a year now, I have this extreme urge that translates to itchiness on my fingers to reveal what it’s like to have an INFJ-INFJ relationship.
Like you guys, we started as MBTI fanatics and still on prowl to better understand ourselves (I know it just doesn’t end). It may be not that accurate but at least we can relate to it somehow. “Yessing” to all its descriptions.
You won’t be here reading this now if it doesn’t speak to you.
Personally, I am just beyond grateful and elated that I have found it. I still may not have all the answers but hey that’s the beauty of it. We all get the chance to study it ourselves. The best thing is at least we felt belong and can better connect with people who just happened to be our tribe.
If you think about it, me and my husband are from two different worlds, universes even. A few years ago, I was in a third world country and everything felt impossible that time like getting a job for example lol while he’s in the United States. There are approximately 8,250 miles between us.
It’s a small world after all..
We came from two very different cultures (east and west) but the first time we speak to each other we felt as if we knew each other for years. I know it sounds so cliché but that’s the fact and indeed happened.
We just knew we connected even from the start. I was new to this psychology-related forum and I was still discovering how to navigate it. He’s one of the first few who commented on my thread. Then suddenly I got my first private message and what I didn’t know at that time I’m already talking to my future husband.
His first private message was and something I will forever hold dear in my heart “in an un-awkward of a way as possible, I wanted to say thank you. Your words ignited a little glimmer of hope in me…..”
Imagine the butterflies in my stomach upon reading his very sweet message. Since then we started talking nonstop almost obsessively (still in a healthy way lol).
Obviously, I started losing sleep because as soon as he gets back. I would happily response immediately so that when I sleep, I am positive there is a long message from him waiting for me the next morning.
His words were almost poetic and we like to send each other long emails and our messages just gets longer and longer until both of us were already having a hard time keeping up especially because of our time zone differences.
When we started talking in Skype I was hiding in my pillows. I can understand English but I wasn’t that confident in my speaking ability yet and I just cram like crazy until I finally warmed up to him.
As introverts, online or long distance relationship was relatively easy until of course you have to increase your trust and faith to that person which was a bit of a challenge. But he was there in every step of the way. He trusted me that I wasn’t a scam and he said if I was… then I was that hella good. LOL.
I also trusted him that he is exactly what he tells me. Although sometimes I find it hard to believe thinking he is too good to be true but he turned out to be a real person. We felt we were cut out for each other not perfectly but because of who we are and especially believing what we have is real.
I didn’t have any relationship before him. He is my first and now my last. I’ve always knew he will come at the right time when I am ready. I always look at the moon thinking somewhere in this world the man made for me was also looking at the same moon as I am.
It turned out I was right. Lol. Now he’s here with me.
That’s why I like to say, it’s not on how long the relationship is, it’s in the depth.
INFJs are known to feel deeply, self-confessed HSPs or Highly Sensitive Person. It’s no wonder when it comes to relationships, we want to get committed. We want a serious and long-term relationships. We don’t like to waste our time and we have no problem letting people know that either.
If we don’t see a future with you, we would easily close our doors. However, if we are still talking to you, that means there is hope. We like to find balance but we naturally live in extremes. Black and white, that’s it. Grays scares us.
We first typically get obsessed with getting all the facts, information, signals, vibes, you name it as much as possible from that person. We seriously get badly hurt so at least we try to become cautious and do some or A LOT of research before diving in. This may not be always true but that’s just how we operate instinctively.
We only jump in when we have that feeling he’s the right person and we can see the future together.
Love is in small things.
Every relationship is unique and ours have that special blend. Two INFJs started from being strangers to friends into lovers and now as best friends. It’s always hard to find that someone you can connect with in so much deeper level. Someone who you chose to spend the rest of your life with and as INFJ having that complex personality it’s even a lot trickier.
When we found each other. I felt if I will say no to this amazing guy and continue being my old perfectionist, cautious self or simply being a scaredy-cat. I will never be able to marry anyone in the future. He’s a diamond in the mine. I just feel it and he made it so easier for me to jump in.
Remember that our experiences as both INFJs in a relationship should not be a guarantee that it will be the same for others. I can only speak for ourselves. Every relationship is unique and I’m sure yours has its own special blend too. Like every flavor of coffee you make every day is slightly different except if you go to a coffee shop especially in Starbucks lol. Kidding.
We are that couple who doesn’t like taking selfies of our kisses, hugs or any intimate moment we share with each other and post it online. We want it private because for us we see it as a sacred thing. We don’t like public proposals either. As introverts, there is just no way we want to be both on a spotlight. We chose to have a private, intimate, serene and solemn wedding and only our family was there.
As as interracial couple, we have to go through hoops too and roads that are less traveled by many. Our cultural differences were enormous at times that it violently shakes us. But as INFJs, we still try to reach other and understand each other because we both don’t like conflict and hurt feelings.
We have lots of similarities and quirks like being obsessive about something and giving each other “alone time” and space. We get each other. It is really as simple as that.
He knows me when I am up to something. He can read me so well and I can read his “between the lines” too. Something which is very unusual, something we both didn’t have that luxury with someone before. We didn’t think it was possible until we found each other and then it’s just clicked.
It’s not because we are so similar to each other that what we have now is a storybook perfect. It’s not like that at all. It’s about accepting who we are, understanding each other, still discovering each other why’s even the ones that haven’t resurfaced yet and having realistic expectations in love or romance.
It’s not like in romantic movies. We made compromises too like me moving away from the life I knew. Away from my family and friends and choosing to be here with him building our own life and family. Dedicating ourselves in making a beautiful version of what’s home for us. There’s pain from both our past and just being human- flaws and all and still accepting and loving each other.
So if you ask me, if INFJ-INFJ relationship can work. Definitely, it can. Just be careful with each other’s high’s and low’s. The obsessiveness should be tamed once in a while when it gets in the way. Never stop understanding each other even though you think you already get your partner. Be there in every step of the way. Accept the imperfections. Nothing is perfect. Lastly, relax and just enjoy the fun – the introverts version of fun of course.
Love is in small things and not in grand gestures. Like enjoying making each other’s cup of coffee. Eating fries together in the car on the way home. Snuggling, listening to music, cooking, cleaning, planting a garden, reading silently with each other and so much more. Connecting and feeling deeply is a gift and in a relationship it is for sure have its appeal and merits.
We may be a quiet couple who keeps a lot to ourselves – but we do have a universe of our own and we like to share it with each other, to the right person we deeply connected with and for us that’s more than enough.